In 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. Discovering America, he brutally, but ethically conquered the Native Americans who lived there, eventually buying their land from them for a fist full of beads. But the joke was on him, because he thought he was buying India.
When Columbus found out that he had bought America and not India (and that therefor no matter what twisted and deranged methods of torture he used on his Native American slaves, they would never ever be able to cook curry for him) he became very angry (as would anyone) and when he found out the Native American he'd bought the land from would not give him his beads back, (because that would be Indian giving, and again for the record he was not an Indian) Columbus began to play a series of mean practical jokes. on the Native Americans, including referring to them only as "Injuns," raping and pillaging their lands, massacring them, supplying them with smalls pock blankets, (actually that was kind of hilarious... I guess you just had to be there), and forcing them all to live on reservations.
In later years Columbus felt bad about all his mean spirited pranks, and gave the Native Americans a bunch of casinos to make amends. This became a truly ironic twist, in that soon after, Columbus became terribly addicted to gambling and immediately lost all his property (including all his clothing!) to a collection of Sioux owned casinos. Nowadays he can be seen wandering aimless and nakedly from casino to casino, muttering madly in incoherent Italian. Do not be afraid of him. He's perfectly harmless. And if you toss pennies or peanuts at him, he will dance.
